TAKE YOUR CHILD TO WORK DAY





TAKE YOUR CHILD TO WORK DAY

(In honor of Take Your Child to Work Day on 4/28/11)

Captain Simon Banks re-read the directive from the Mayor’s Office then re-read the attached memo from the Commissioner’s Office. Grumbling under his breath, he stood and turned to his personal coffee maker. Pouring a cup of coffee and smelling the pure rich scent of dark coffee beans didn’t improve his disposition.

Setting the full mug of coffee on his desk, he sat back down and read the paperwork for the fourth time. After confirming that the words hadn’t miraculously changed, he cursed under his breath. He slammed his hand onto his desk and wrathfully glared through the office windows into the bullpen.

Fortunately for his detectives, they were all busy thus saving themselves from his anger. Even Blair Sandburg’s attention was focused on the mass of papers on his desk. His partner, Jim Ellison, stood behind him, reaching around the younger man to point at something on the papers.

Cursing a little louder, Simon glared at the official paperwork from the Mayor and Commissioner’s offices. He took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair. He reached for his coffee mug and slowly sipped the hot brew.

Finally, he began to smile. Then he did what any good administrator would do. He decided to delegate.

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MEMO TO: All Staff

MEMO FROM: Capt. Simon Banks

MEMO DATE: April 4, 2011

April 28, 2011 has been designated Take Your Child to Work Day. Please make sure that all weapons are secured and away from the reach of small children. Also, make a concentrated effort to watch your language and what is being discussed while children are in the bullpen. Make sure that autopsy photos and any other possibly objectionable material is secured within your desks. We do not want a repeat performance of last years’ experiment by elementary school-age children with items confiscated in a joint Major Crimes/Vice raid. Your complete cooperation in this matter is appreciated.

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MEMO TO: All Staff

MEMO FROM: Capt. Simon Banks

MEMO DATE: April 6, 2011

In answer to the questions, I’ve received….NO!!! There will be no vacation days allowed for 4/28/11. Family emergencies and medical problems damn well better be family emergencies and medical problems (and I will be expecting supporting documentation). Take Your Child to Work Day is a city-wide community-relations effort and WILL be supported by this department.

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MEMO TO: All Staff

MEMO FROM: Capt. Simon Banks

MEMO DATE: April 8, 2011

In answer to subsequent questions (and don’t you have anything better to do with your time, Detective Sandburg?!?), each department is responsible for the care and feeding of any and all children present on Take Your Child to Work Day. This department does NOT have funding or resources for a Child Care Center (aka ‘herding and corralling’…yes, I DID hear that, Detective Ellison!) where the children can be placed during the day. Although I will admit Detective Sandburg’s idea of putting the kids somewhere and having various members of the department take turns answering the children’s questions isn’t a bad one. (Write up that proposal for next year, Sandburg.)

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MEMO TO: All Staff

MEMO FROM: Capt. Simon Banks

MEMO DATE: April 12, 2011

To clarify, NO, we will NOT be giving guided tours to the children attending on Take Your Child to Work Day. While I’m sure they would love to see the Forensics Labs and Lock-Up, liability issues prevent such tours. And while I’m sure some of the more adventurous kids WOULD like to see the morgue and watch an actual autopsy, I do not feel this would be in keeping with the spirit of the event in question. (And just what type of children DID you grow up with, Detective Connor?)

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MEMO TO: All Staff

MEMO FROM: Capt. Simon Banks

MEMO DATE: April 15, 2011

I’m sure reports will be in on time today since everyone had enough spare time to contribute to the fifty-seven page report I just received. I wasn’t aware that the detectives of Major Crimes were so up-to-date on liability issues not to mention the psychological dangers of children accidentally seeing or hearing something they shouldn’t (last year’s experience notwithstanding, of course). And, while I’ve heard that Cascade is the most dangerous city in the country, I really don’t think it’s necessary to provide mathematical calculations on if/when the station will once again be overrun by terrorists. (However, the color graphics were a nice touch, Sandburg.) I will pass along your concerns to the Commissioner and Mayor at next week’s meeting.

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MEMO TO: All Staff

MEMO FROM: Capt. Simon Banks

MEMO DATE: April 21, 2011

I would like to congratulate the detectives of Major Crimes for once again out-performing other departments. It seems that (after receiving encouragement from someone in our department…took the long way around to the evidence locker, Rafe & Brown?) other departments submitted their concerns regarding Take Your Child to Work Day on April 28, 2011. However, the fifty-seven page report from Major Crimes was far and away the most detailed. The result is that children who would have been brought to the station will now be taken to City Hall where they will receive visits from police officers to talk about their work and how children can help make themselves safer. (Congratulations, Sandburg. Your idea was a hit.) The following is the schedule for Major Crimes.

Joel Taggart: 9:00am to 9:30am What do you do if you see a suspicious package?

Megan Connor: 10am to 10:30am Stray animals: Friend or foe?

Brian Rafe: 10:30am to 11:00am What to do if a stranger approaches you?

Henri Brown: 1:00pm to 1:30pm Peer pressure: Gangs and drugs

James Ellison: 2:00pm to 2:30pm Self Defense: Not just beating someone up

Blair Sandburg: 2:30pm to 3:00pm Diversity: Just one big happy family

I’m certain you will be able to use the entire time allotted to you (let me rephrase that: you WILL use the entire time allotted to you) while being respectful of the individual who will be speaking after you by not speaking longer than your allotted time (understand, Sandburg?). Your coordinator for the day will be Ms. Heidi Schlesser (Media Relations Department). Both Detectives Ellison and Sandburg are familiar with her work. I’m sure you’ll make me and Major Crimes proud. Good luck, detectives.



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